November 8, 2016
I am panicking! This is a little bit crazy, it feels like a historic night and I must be part of it. I refuse to be sitting at home with my parents or at Olivia’s house, or tutoring Riley – eyes glued on the TV, as my mother is filled with joy by Trump’s surprising popularity. (My Dad is mildly pleased) Papa Joe and his leg are dancing the bug, the limbo, the mariachi, in his head in his underwear!
Oh my generation, what the fuck are we going to have to clean up! We have been paying with 20s for wayyy too long and now we have a lot of change!!
We are a divided country – our media, our leaders, our role models have turned America into a Colliseum!!
There is no right answer. All I could think while I voted filling in my answers like the SAT, LSAT, CBEST, GRE… what is the right answer, and why are there no essay questions?
As I filled in those bubbles, and I struggled at first. I did not understand you really had to click that thing real hard, as I’m smudging lines all over the circle… then I realized, I never studied for the test!!!
Oh, I said I would. This summer, I could not wait for this day. I thought, I have a college degree, I need to become an educated informed voter, join the real world. Fuck that, I was unemployed, living at home, and spending money that wasn’t mine.
I cried twice a day for two weeks before going home. Hands in the air, I give up, I cannot do this alone. Now, I am home, and I feel different than I was at 18, the last time I called Los Angeles my home. I am a different person.
I said, but oh when November 8th comes, I will be in America. I will take part in the protests. I will be more than a witness for this moment in American political history. (Again)
Brexit was a shit show. The world is on edge. Technology has progressed very, very quickly, not sure if progressed is the right word, but we cannot keep up! We cannot keep! We as the human race need to stay united, though we have never before been so aware of how different we are and yet how similar we are, too. How are they still pitting the people against each other?
It is not countries against each other, but oligarchies playing that weird conquest game that Ian, Sangmin, Struan and Jason used to play that I never bothered to learn the game because I don’t like those kinds of games.
I’ve gotten off topic. I’m on the train to Downtown LA – to the KPCC results viewing party near Olivera Street downtown. I am not missing history again. I slept through Brexit and the Scottish Referendum (I’m disappointed in myself, too)
So I am going to the center of LA where the lawmakers stand in the flesh, where politics really is people, not annoying Facebook posts, video lectures, and constant tweets.
I refuse to feel disconnected. I have been twitching since I saw the 3 to 19 posts this afternoon. I finally voted, my first time – no longer in my anarchist phase.
I am engaged (I will be engaged) This is my reality. I will not be told what to do. This is my community, I will not be another sheep to bleat! I am not another character in Brave New World. I will not close my eyes and think only of me, even though sometimes I think – I have no money of my own, I am not self sufficient, cannot feed myself, house myself, love myself.
I have been trying to take care of myself, so that I can take care of others. But, I can do both at the same time. Hell, I’m working at a nonprofit! But all I do is mail shit and complain about living in Los Angeles. Fuck that I must stop. LA is my home, LA is my people. Feeling like an expat in my own home, I have control, I have control, I have control. This is my life, my reality. This is our life, our reality.
I am nearly there ( I have been writing this on the Metro to the viewing party) California will be released at 8:15pm. ..
It is nearly 9pm and I am peeing and Trump is winning and this very negative man who never told me his name asked me to dinner. He had grey-white hair and sad eyes. He worked as a physician assistant and volunteered a lot and gave money to the Hilary Campaign. We were watching CBS and there were clips of people crying, as the background music blasted “Turn Down For What!”, and then he comes up to me and says, “Democracy is over, Trump is a dictator. He’s already won. This is the end.” He’s holding a cocktail and his eyes have circles under them. I don’t know what to say other than, “Whaahhh that’s crazy!” and then, I go on sharing my analogy how I felt voting was like taking a test, but there are no right answers and only time will tell…because I am an optimist.
I am watching the Elections in Spanish at the Cultura Plaza in downtown. It is 244 to 209 Trump!!!!!
I also introduced myself to a guy named Christian who worked in investment banking and went to Crespi and knew Devin.
One older man said, “Great party, bad night.” I eavesdropped on Christian’s conversation, he said “It will be shit, but life will go on.”
What does this mean for America? What does this mean for the world?
Right answers, my way or the high way.
I talked to this nice woman going to Fort Lauderdale on the train with her suitcases, she said she does not feel good about the elections. Her Husband is going to bed and she will find out when the plane lands – a whole NEW AMERICA?!
So many videos of people crying – mucha gente! Crying. Peace and love loses again, always loses to fear and insecurity, fear and insecurity.
They are all laughing at us, the world – the Dow is down 500 points!
‘Bad for people who don’t have pensions.’ What about people who just graduated and don’t have a full time job yet?!
Christian said he has friends with good degrees who are just chilling out and working as waiters, getting fucked on Friday nights… and most nights. Christian was nice, he had soft hands.
Attempt at Poem –
The sky is still blue
The mountains are still purple
But (fuck) what are going to do
What are we going to do
With a country divided
And yes, I am hiding from the man,
That told me democracy is over,
And Trump a dictator,
Watching the Elections in Spanish,
Wet grass under my ass, gracias,
Nobody is crying in LA yet,
… my friend texted me they are in WeHo –
and they still try to turn it up in here,
they still try to make us buy razors,
fuck shaving, fuck fuck music
I decide. Yo decido – do I?
Turn off the fucking music shmoozy ties,
I want to watch the news,
I want to watch the world change on a flat screen tv.
The Dow has dropped 840 points
And she, the music is still pumping sex in our ears,
Where is the protest music? Play some Bob Dylan!
There are no stars tonight,
What are we so afraid of?
Paralyzed by history, we hide in our power suits,
And feel superior.
We worked harder, we are smarter.
Fuck you Wisconsin and your 4%.
Thank God they turned the music off…
It is still 209 to 244,
Haha – 50% men, 55% white, and 64% no college degree…. Still a majority.
This is no good verses evil, if it is then Satan may be good,
Maybe this is like God and Satan,
And Satan isn’t that bad, he’s just tired of God telling him what to do and that they can’t be equals…
Sex music is back on, but I don’t feel like fucking,
I don’t feel like forgetting, I feel like give it to me –
This is my life, let me shake it! Let me take it! Let me take it back.
45th president, they are playing “Funky Town”
Who the fuck made this playlist…
A few minutes or so more, she says in pink lipstick glossy.
I just tried to leave the party to meet my friend… and there were homeless people sleeping in tents on both sides and I was sprinting and there were people praying, lighting candles and I was terrified and I ran back, but fuck man! Ironic! All those politicians making the world a better place, while people sleep in tents by the freeway next to our City Centre.
I overcame my fear… reciting to myself, people are good, people are good, people are good. And now I am standing at Spring and 7th Street. A black man in an American flag shirt is shouting, “Make America Great Again, Donald Trump and Mike Pence!” People sitting outside a bar shout, “Amen!”
Sleeping bags and tents and freeways and American flags, as we are 48% to 47%.
A man in the bar says, “No woman willing to run for the next 30 years, after this!”
We are still waiting on three major states.
Another man walks by with music playing from speakers on his shoulders… “Everything for the money….”
There is a camera crew across the street outside the Crocker Club waiting for the artists to exit. “Make sure to get the bar name in the frame,” the director states…
Sports are still going on and the elections – crowds are gathering outside the white house…
Met a guy named Eddy Boy who stopped to talk to me about the world, and the situation… life goes on, we are different people, but we are all in this together… we will see!
Tatter tots, G & T’s, and rock n’ roll karaoke! Trump will be taking the stage soon, I am with Jackie. It is too much, we are overwhelmed as they play Let’s Go Crazy by Prince and rock out… red hatted Trump supporters wait for the President Elect… he is screaming, boomer is screaming and they are banging their drums, and this G & T is stronnnggg….
I signed up to sing All the Small Things by Blink 182. (LIFE SUX)
Donald Trump took the stage… and they continued to playing over the speech, so rannn from the bar…. To the one across the road…. More fucking karaoke.
“It’s a Tuesday,” the bouncer said. “It’s Karaoke night, but man this election… you actually want to hear his speech?”
“Yes!” And we ran and ran looking and found a mexican taco shop, we open the door. “No food, only drinks!”
Okay, and we sit down… he takes the stage… we order a 24oz Margarita! Tequila for Trump…
I’m shouting out loud, laughing like stand up comedy… he kept calling her secretary, secretary and saying now is the time to unite. This is so important. We must work together… this is an incredible and great movement…
Margarita and untapped potential for our country… (why not Forbes!)
Gonna be a beautiful thing, all the forgotten men and women of our country… who are the forgotten? (all of the misogynists!)
We’ll become the second to none… veterans! (what about the refugees… the 12 year old immigrants!)
Great great great relations with America will no longer settle for anything less… we are reclaiming our destiny (The Manifest Destiny again?? We already have all of AMERICA!)
Then he shouts out to his family and friends… like the Valedictorian graduation speech at my high school… thank you for making these two years amazing, when this speech is a symbol! Introducing his new board, Rudy, Chris and Jeff… it was not easy Reince!
Stop calling her secretary. Thank you it’s bee an honor, it’s been historic…
“I Love this COUNTRY!” 288: 215…
Donald Trump grabbed America by the pussy.
All the presenters look like they are gonna cry.
Jackie and I are in a protest… we walked out of the bar and into a protest!! They were carrying a rainbow and chanting, “Not Our President!”
“This is fun!”
“I don’t want to follow him!”
“Fuck Donald Trump”
“Not Our President! Not Our President!”
We left the bar and there’re were rainbows, well a piñata rainbow and a protest so we joined because we care for him… “Not Our President! But then, as we stood on the corner of Pershing Square, someone chanted…
“No more Presidents!”
Until someone chanted,
“I Believe in Politics”
So someone chanted,
“We’re Not There Yet!”
until someone said,
“Bernie would have got those swing states.”
Until someone said,
“I am not American.”
Until someone said,
“The security guards have been very nice to us, let’s all leave.”
Until someone said,
“Where’s the afterparty!”
Until they started chanting,
“Fuck white supremacy”
And they were all white…
Why not chant ‘black lives matter’ instead?
Now we are in a bar peeing and they all went on marching, fuck white supremacy, but and 8pm tomorrow another protest, more protests… what is this American… Now that you got what you wanted..
(I am writing this sitting on the floor when a guy comes up to me…) “I thought you were ten..” and talks to us about being a marine and how it has nothing to do with his whiteness, it’s his policy…and how he talked like Trump when he was 15, but then he grew up!
and he goes to pee…
We start walking home… and we just pass a bar when the bar manager asks us, “Did you just move here…you shouldn’t be walking alone, you guys are targets… I know this place is going through gentrification, but I have friends who have been raped in alleys here… use windows, mirrors, always watch behind you…”
“Thanks for your concern,” I say and we are both twitching… eyes everywhere. There are no stars tonight. Donald Trump is the 45th President, anything could happen. We move quickly, there are men alone on every corner.
A guy begins to follow us, Jackie sees him. We are passing a Double Tree hotel… we can hide in the hotel, I say… yes, and so we hide. We begin chatting to the concierge who is a nice man, and is optimistic and says, he’d like a house with a fence and a car, but he’s not greedy…
“Can’t be worse than Bush,” and he walks us a bit down the street…
Finally we are in J-Town and there are Lexuses and all is quiet and condominiums…
We go on the roof and sit on a couch with two boys who are actors who work at an ice cream shop and stare at the banks of Downtown LA. USA Bank has the biggest penis.
My phone dies, but I must go to my car in the North Hollywood parking lot before 6am, or I might get a ticket. I might already have a ticket… Dear Parking Gods! Pleaseee…. My throat is so dry, I am terrified… no one on the streets, not sure where to go…
On my way back to the car, on the metro… bewildered a little bit lost… this is just life. There is a postman on the train, and a student, and the sun is rising. Wake up and smell the coffee. It goes on.