Sammy Says: Fuck Ghosting


Sammy Says

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I publish a blog post about it. I have been ghosted twice, and it’s already two too many. I am making a public statement: I refuse to put up with ghosting. If you ghost me, I will publish a short story with the most intimate details of our relationship and not change your name. If you ghost me, I will make our story alive forever.

When I decided that I no longer wanted to date someone romantically, I sent him a text saying that I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend but that we could be friends. I’m a very inclusive person and to show that I meant that what I said, I invited him to my birthday drinks. I didn’t want him to feel that there was something wrong with him as a person. He understood that to mean that he was my birthday sex, but after a friend-zoning lunch he understood. Looking back, I can see why he was confused, but, I would never have assumed that. I did clarify when he was confused that I just like inviting people to things, and I’m a really inclusive person.  When he finally understood that I didn’t want to sleep with him, he started going for man dates with one of my friends he met at my birthday. They didn’t bother to invite me.

While I may have struggled to get the message across, I respected him as an individual. I have yet to be treated the same way.

Both of my experiences have been similar, almost like deja vu. They both still owe me orgasms.* They both completely misunderstood my intentions and didn’t bother to discuss what I actually wanted. They just assumed I wanted more, that I wanted to ‘boyfriend’ them. At least, that’s what I am left thinking since up until the point of ghosting, everything was fine, fun, and dandy. It also leaves me to believe that everything they said was just lies to get me into bed.

Perhaps this is true, and it is the way it has always been – but I refuse to put up with this bull shit quietly. I have to admit though, thank you for ghosting me. I would have wasted precious time getting to know you only to find out you’re an asshole.


*Read about my ghosting experiences in my nonfiction hybrid novella You Owe Me Two Orgasms, coming out 2018!