After beautiful Auden boy made out with my friend on the dance floor, he avoided eye contact with me for the rest of the year. He knew that he had upset me, and instead of apologizing, he pretended I didn’t exist. My friend, on the other hand, felt so guilty. We met the next day and she apologized, and said that she was just drunk and it was a mistake. We had spent over three years building our friendship. I genuinely believe that she felt bad and that our friendship was more important, and so I forgave her. It has been three years. We are still friends, and she has never made out with a guy I fancied in front of me again.
But that beautiful Auden boy… I have never forgiven him. I wish I had confronted him, I wish I had forced him to validate my anger. As for my friend, I genuinely believe that she did not want to betray my friendship, but that she was afraid to hurt his feelings and reject his sexual advances, and also – he was gorgeous – and so just let it happen.
I can’t help feeling guilty though. See, by not sharing with Auden Boy how he made me feel, he was never fully able to understand the consequences of his actions, and probably thinks that his kind of behavior is okay, when it’s not. He’s probably even done it again. He knew that Joanne was my friend, he knew that I had feelings for him, and yet, he still decided to make out with her.
Having never discussed this with him, all I can conclude is that while looking for me, he found my friend Joanne. Even though he had been flirting with me for weeks, and knew that Joanne was my friend and that making out with her would most likely upset me, he was horny and decided to satisfy the needs of his dick instead of considering other people’s feelings. I wish I could hate him for this, but I can’t because he was just acting how he’d been taught to by society, he was just being a man.
But what does it mean to ‘be a man’?
According to Psychology Today, being a man means “having an irrationally and self-destructively high desire for sex”. Auden boy definitely demonstrated this. However, I think that this is not correct. I think that women have equally high desires for sex, we just don’t talk about it because women are not supposed to have a high desire for sex. We are supposed to be virgins not whores, at least if you want to find a husband. Women for most of history, have not been allowed to express their sexual desire. Those that did were called witches, adulterers, or fallen women. Those that do now are called sluts. Although to my amusement, the word ‘snut’ has been coined! It means ‘sluts with nuts’. They are a boy band from Glasgow that I’d highly recommend.
Even though I’ve never forgiven Auden boy, I can’t blame him for his actions. I can’t write him off as a bad person, even though it would be much easier to. Instead, I choose to sympathise with how difficult it must be to be a man in the 21st century.
Read the next post in the series, “Cry Like a Man”
Check out the full list of blog posts, “How to Value Your Own Thoughts”
Image from an article called “Characteristics of a Confident Man” from Men’s Answer