I’m never going to have another boyfriend because in order to have a boyfriend, I have to be a girlfriend, and I don’t want to be a girlfriend. I don’t want to be girlfriend material. According to the Literary Pixie Dictionary, girlfriend material means
“a heterosexual female possessing those traits and characteristics which are conducive to a heterosexual male’s ideal of a committed, romantic companion.”Literary Pixie Dictionary
Even though I try not to, every time I get into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I repress and change myself to fit the expectation of the label. Before the title is there, I feel confident and free, but once I am given the title of girlfriend, I fear that it will be taken away, I am afraid that I will not be good enough. Instead of trying to change myself to fit the role, I’ve decided I’m no longer going to apply for girlfriend positions, and I’m no longer looking for a boyfriend.
Instead, I’m creating a new role, and I’m opening up applications. I’m looking for a lover. You should be thankful. Below, I’ve copied the definition of boyfriend and lover from the Cambridge dictionary. You can pick which position you’d rather apply for.
- a man or boy that a person is having a romantic or sexual relationship with
- used to refer to a loose, comfortable style of clothing for women that is based on men’s clothes.
- the person you are having a sexual relationship with, but are not married to
- someone with a strong liking for something
You should be grateful I’m not looking for an oversized sweatshirt, I’m looking for someone I have a strong liking for. And hopefully the same in return!
Thus, here’s my definition of a lover:
(Noun) Someone you have or have had sexual relations with who you like very much and continue to care about and emotionally support often without rules around exclusivity.Literary Pixie Dictionary
Read the next post in the series, “Nod and Smile”
Check out the rest of the blog posts from how to value your own thoughts.