Please Laugh With Me

For NaNoWriMo in 2011, I wrote the first draft of a novel I called Pretty Words. The aim was to write 50,000 words in one month. That month coincided with the beginning of my third depression. I didn’t realize that it was a depression until February 2012 when I read a book called How to Know Your Teen Has Depression, and was like, “Gosh, that’s what I have!”

I did not yet know how to express my feelings verbally, and so instead of telling anyone, I told my journal, I wrote this novel, a few short stories, and a handful of poems. I tried to tell my parents; I left that book on my bedroom floor for four whole weeks! I know, a bit too subtle.

Anyhow, this is the introduction of Pretty Words. Because I’ve finally – after these seven years decided to share this publically. It’s time.

I write this from a weird place above reality, from a distant perch and geographic location, but you’ll find more about that later. Most importantly, I can finally, finally laugh at myself.

Pretty Words is about a girl named Sammy Ginsberg who graduates from the University of St Andrews moves back to LA and gets a job as an editorial assistant at Manic D-Press. She lives with her two best friends in Los Feliz. While journaling in the trunk of her mini van with a mug of hot chocolate, she realizes that she needs to stop repressing herself and tell her work crush exactly how she feels… 

I know. I’m a bit embarrassed myself.

And yet, this vision of what I wanted my life to be like, somehow – well not somehow, Sammy, insecurity! – I made it happen. I – made – it  – happen.

After graduating from the University of St Andrews in 2016, I moved home to Calabasas to work as the Marketing and PR Intern at Red Hen Press. In December 2017, I was promoted to Marketing and PR Assistant. I was officially living my high school dream. I was living out the plot of Pretty Words.

Fiction becoming reality. This blovel is the beginning of this dream, this vision. I did not plan on this. I was quite surprised when I realized that I was doing exactly what I fantasized about at 17. 

Pretty Words is essentially unedited; I have only corrected typos, logistical mistakes, and improved location and time in order to help it make sense more. I couldn’t touch it. It felt like a horcrux; somehow through words I captured myself at 17 and I could visit her whenever I liked. It’s not perfect, but it’s perfectly me. 

I hope you enjoy laughing with me while laughing at me.